The Grumbly Tomato

Today I got to do something really cool - talk to the Boy’s kindergarten class about my job.  As part of their “community helpers” unit, they have asked some of the parents to talk about what they do.  The first dad to come in (Dr. Y.) is a cardiologist, so he brought his stethoscope and talked to them about their hearts.   Then Mrs. F. came in and talked to the about being a physical therapist (or “physical ferret” as the Boy recalled) and she taught them about exercise.  And then there was me.  If I may say so, I have a really cool job that I absolutely love - I get to acquire new collections for a major national museum.

Boy was super excited - he told me that I needed to bring things from the museum’s collection in to class so that we could pass them around for everyone to see.  Since I very well couldn’t do that, I brought in pictures of things from the collection - pictures of teddy bears, pretty dresses, children’s drawings and photos of kids celebrating Purim (which the kids are celebrating on Tuesday).  After some jumping jacks (random!) the kids all gathered around me on the floor.  I started by asking who had been to a museum - Air & Space and the National Gallery were very popular choices.  We talked about the what different kinds of museums they were (science, history, art, and even zoos are a kind of museum!) and what they’ve seen in them.  Then I got to tell them that my job was to collect all the stuff that people see in when they come to my museum.

We discussed what a collection is (”A group of things that have something in common.  But they can be different - they don’t all have to be the same thing.”) and the kids told me what they have collections of (rocks, paperclips, cars) and I told them that since I work in a history museum, I get to collect all sorts of different things.  What they have in common is that they are all from the same time in history - back when their grandparents were kids.  They of course had lots of questions - in particular how did I know how old their grandparents were.  They were very concerned about this.  Refocus!

I showed them the pictures that I brought and they passed them around.  They were most excited to see the Purim pictures, given that most of them were dressed in baker’s aprons and hats they had decorated that morning for the bake sale that afternoon, and I had purposely picked a photo of kids also dressed up as bakers.   I also showed them a teddy bear that I brought in which is a reproduction of one in our collection that they had passing around.  Then came out the gloves.

I explained that when we get new things for the collection, we wear special gloves.  Even though we wash our hands really well, we still wear the gloves to keep the things super clean.  This helps us save the things for a really long time.  We also only write with pencils so that we don’t get any magic marker or pen marks on the things by accident - kind of like when they come home from school and have marker on their hands or clothes.  The kids passed the gloves around and tried them on - they thought those white cotton gloves were super cool. (who knew?).

Then came the opportunity for them to ask questions.  The first boy asked if Boy had ever been to my museum.  He excitedly answered yes! and I told them that he had visited my office at the museum, which was cool because in my office I have my own small museum filled with pictures of my family.

The next boy asked how did I find everything for the collection?  I explained that people call me and send me lots of emails.  Last year I had over 700 people offer me things!  And every day we get one more new thing for the collection.  I asked them to think about what their most favorite thing is at home, and then think about what it would feel like to give it away to a museum.  I don’t know if I could do that, so I really appreciate it when someone gives me their collection.

The last question was how did I decide what to keep for the collection?  I have to say, I was impressed with the first question but more impressed with this one.  So I explained it this way: Say I only collected teddy bears.  And someone called me and said that they wanted to give me a bowl of pineapples.  Those would be better at the pineapple museum! So part of my job is too look at the things people are offering and decide if it fits into what we collect. Like teddy bears and pineapples.  They got that.

I left them with lots of smiles, the pictures, and a pair of gloves for their “community helpers play box.”  I thought it went extremely well and it was super great when four of the kids walked up to me (unsolicited) and thanked me for coming to talk to the class.  Boy told me he really liked that he got to hold the teddy bear.  I’m glad I could entertain and educate, but I don’t think I can compete with the grandpa who is a retired fighter pilot who is scheduled to come in…

“YOU RUINED MY LIFE!”

This is what the boy said to me in the car on the way home from school yesterday.  I would expect to hear this from a melodramatic sixteen year old, but come on…my kid is six.

What sucked for me most about this was that I had a pretty good day at work.  I like having good days.  For this one in particular I had been quite nervous in the days leading up to it, but once things got rolling, I felt pretty darn good about it.  And had a good time at that.

It started with him as we were leaving school.  He was hungry and unhappy that the after-care program had run out of milk for snack.  So he had to drink water - the horror!  Then he ran down the hall and out the front doors while totally ignoring my calls of “Stop! Wait up!”  Once outside he was goofing around, and told me that he had been ignoring me on purpose.  Now I can let this go on occasion, but he was being so smarmy about it that I had to pull the time out card.  We have set a rule in place that if we have to tell him something three times, and he hasn’t responded or taken said action, then he will get a time-out.  He hates time-outs, so it works well.  And he knows when he’s gotten to two that he takes action.  This is primarily used for things such as not listening or not being safe.  But when in addition to the smarm I got the puppy dog eyes and the whiny begging “Please don’t give me a time-out…. PLEASE!!!”  it was the final straw.  So I told him that he couldn’t watch TV or play on the computer until his father got home.  Knowing that Shiny wouldn’t arrive home for at least an hour after we did.  The kid was not amused.

A majority of the car ride was whiny complaining about said consequences, asking me why I did that, why I NEVER let him do what he wants to do, how I wasn’t being nice, and my repeated explanations to him that if you are not nice to Mommy then Mommy won’t be nice to him, do undo others, blah blah.   That was when the “You ruined my life” statement was stated.

The very first thought I had in my head in response to this was “I brought you into this world…”  But instead I asked quite patiently (considering) if he wanted me to ignore him, and be rude to him, and do what I wanted to do all the time and not consider or compromise at all what he wanted to do.  I could act the way he is acting, or I could act like Mommy.  To no surprise, he asked me to act like Mommy, and then was quiet the rest of the way home.

Once home the whining started again.  He claimed he was bored because he had played with EVERYTHING in his room and it wasn’t fun.  So I made suggestions of things he hadn’t yet played with.  Then he started stomping around the house.  Then he got quiet and looked at me and said “I’ll do whatever you want me to do Mommy.  Can I play on the computer now?”  No.  So I fed him dinner just as Shiny walked in the door.  Once he was done, they went downstairs to play a couple games of Cars on the computer.  SO not the end of the world.

I eventually got my apology.  And I got to share my good day with Shiny.  But now I’m left wondering - is it possible to deprogram a drama queen?

This afternoon, as part of an effort to get my kid out of the house and help bribe him to get a haircut, I took him to a large local mall that has a big ass play area.  As part of the mall’s expansion, they put in a decent sized play area just off the food court.  It is fenced in with cubbies for shoes and wrap around benches for parents.  The floor has a little squish to it, and there are lots of things to climb on, over, and through (see photo of said place above).  I have come to take the boy here on inclement weather days.  Too hot, too cold, too rainy - whatev.  Although the mall is a bit of a shlep from our house, it has multiple things going for it, including a kids salon where he can be distracted by a DVD while getting his hair cut and a Borders that has a Thomas train table.

After the hair cut we headed upstairs where, to call it “organized chaos,” doesn’t even come close.  It was packed with kids - running, screaming, knocking into each other - the works.  Luckily, after about 10 minutes it thinned out a bit - but still - just nutso.  One kid in particular stood out.  She was wearing a bright pink shirt, matching leggings, and was screeching at the top of her lungs periodically.  She looked to me a little older than some of the other kids, and certainly taller, but not by that much on both counts.  She always seemed to be in the way.  Sitting at the top of the slide and not getting out of the way to let other kids pass.  Sitting on the floor at the bottom of the slide so kids couldn’t get down.  Laying on one of the big toy blocks that the kids like to jump on.  You get the picture.  But honestly?  I was more concerned about my kid.

I always try to sit in the center, so that I can keep a general eye on where he is.  But with so many kids and parents walking around, that can be hard to do sometimes.  So I do my best, and I don’t panic if I lose him for a few seconds, because my view is blocked by someone else, or he is behind a large thing waiting his turn to go over/under.  But that one girl in the pink shirt, she seemed to be everywhere.

And then, the next thing I knew, she walked right up to me.  And put her hands on my shoulders.  I told her no, and gently moved her hands away.  Then she tried to grab my cell phone out of my hand.  I asked her - “Where is your mommy or daddy?” and she looked at me with a blank stare.  “You shouldn’t do that - I’m a stranger!” but still no response, and she finally walked away.  I have to admit, I was a little shaken by that - I certainly wouldn’t my kid to do that to someone, and I was shocked at her audacity.  The mom sitting to my right couldn’t believe it either, and we had a little chat about how some of the parents there were better at talking to each other rather than parenting their child.

A few minutes later, she came back.  And tried to grab my phone again.  And again I said “No!” and moved my hand out of the way.  She then moved over to the mom sitting to my left and tried to grab her phone.  That mom reacted the same way.  The girl wandered off, and we all shared a conversation about this situation.  So as I continue to watch my kid, I found that I was watching her more than my boy.  He was contently playing in one spot, so I wasn’t worried about him, and I kept an eye on his whereabouts.  But what I really wanted to know was who was this kid’s parents?  She wasn’t running over or checking in with anyone - just going up to random people.  It was at this point that me and the moms grew more concerned, and I decided that I needed to say something to the parent, if I could find them.

I finally saw her interact briefly with a man who said something to her.  When I noticed the sparkly pink boots in his hands, I took a chance, and approached him.  I asked him if she was his daughter, and he replied yes.  So I told him - “I thought you should know then, that she’s approached a number of parents and tried to take their cell phones.”  His reply was brief: “She’s autistic.”  So I said: “OK, well I understand, but still, you might want to keep an eye on her since she is WALKING UP TO STRANGERS AND TRYING TO TAKE THEIR PHONES.  It’s not just potentially unsafe for her, but it is really unnerving the other adults.”  and he just replied with an “OK.”

Now, I have no clue what it is like to parent an autistic child.  But I found his response to be unacceptable.  When I got home this evening, Shiny thought I should have just gotten in this guy’s face and yelled: “STRANGER DANGER!!!!”  I would think, that if this was my child, that I would have kept an extra special eye on my kid if he had special needs.  Especially more so if he he had such inhabitions to walk up to unknown adults and try to take their stuff.

When we got home this evening, I had a conversation with the boy about what he should do if a stranger had walked up to him at the mall and tried to take his hand or give him something.  I think he understood, but it is definately something we will be going over with him again.  I don’t ever want to be the parent that another parent has to come talk to.

Things that made me happy today:

• Upon arriving at where I park for work, there was one last parking spot that was guaranteed not to get a parking ticket.  Score!  Someone pulls into the lot ahead of me.  Bummer.  The spot was the very last one on the right.  The spots on the left side of the parking lot are OK, but due to the genius that is the Park Police, are limited time spots, thus, open to sporadic ticketing.  The very last two spots in the lot are permit parking only.  I was going for the third to last spot.  So I followed in front of me dude praying to the parking gods that he went for one of the many many spots on the left.  But no.  He goes ALL THE WAY to the end of the lot and stops right in front of my cherished ticket-free parking spot.  And I could hear the thought process in his head: “Is this a permit only spot or one that is ok?  Should I risk parking here and getting a big ticket since I don’t have a permit? Or should I just go back around the front and take one of those? WHAT DO I DO???”  Well bless my stars because he went around to the front!  I pulled into that puppy lickety split.  Rock on!

• Someone who I adore and hadn’t seen in two months came back to work today.  We spent most of the day catching up and not really getting all that much work done.

• Beef chili over rice for lunch.  None of this veggie chili crap.  Boo-yah!

• On the way to pick up Boy from school, I enjoyed a refreshing Coke Slurpee.  While stopped at a traffic light, I looked over at the car next to me.  In it was a father wearing a bright yellow t-shirt, who was turned around towards his two kids in the back seat, and singing, bopping, and laughing along with them.  He had a huge infectious smile on his face.  As he turned back around, he saw me looking at them.  He had a look of momentary “uh-oh” but then when he saw my smile, he smiled back.  It’s always fun seeing people having fun with their kids.

• My kid shared with me all about his new superhero alter-ego.  It involves a jet pack, scuba gear, and a monster truck.

• Pizza night and Thursday night TV (Survivor, CSI, The Office, 30 Rock) with the husband.

• Getting my new blog setup with husband help and figuring out how to change some of the coding all by myself - and it worked.